Qualities of Great Parents

Grace Cheng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

What are the attributes of good parents? Several qualities come to mind, but those that should be most prominent are love, care and support. These characteristics can help parents guide and support their children while also providing them with assistance when necessary. While all parents make mistakes, what matters is the effort that they make in becoming excellent parents.

I am fortunate to have good parents. They have instilled in my brother and me a system of core values that has defined who they are. They kept their promises and honoured commitments. My parents, especially my father, functioned as excellent teachers and powerful role models in the lives of both my brother and myself. My father lived his life with his values of having good moral standards, work ethics, integrity and character. Furthermore, he had taught me how to be a student of learning and the importance of continued education. I have learned from my parents the value of being responsible and taking accountability for my actions and behaviours. My upbringing has had a positive influence and has shaped and impacted my present-day life. 

Exceptional parents can make all the difference in their children’s life. They offer support, guidance, and a sense of belonging. Parents work relentlessly and sometimes without recognition. In the end, however, these efforts show in the sound, well-adjusted children they raise.

 

Qualities of Good Parents

  • Show Unconditional Love

      Showing unconditional love is the greatest quality of a good parent. No matter how upset  

      parents are at the faults of their children and whether they lament that they did not achieve      

      what they wished for their children; they still love them regardless.

  • Accept That Their Children Are Not Exactly Like Them

       Parents understand that every individual is unique. They would not expect their children to 

       live the same way they do or to do the same kind of work they do. In addition, they respect

       their children’s values and opinions, provided they do not harm the family or anyone else.

  • Supportive and Loyal

      Good parents are their children’s public defenders, advocating for them when necessary.

      They wait for privacy before disciplining their children. Parents serve as safety nets for their    

      children and are the people who they turn to when things go wrong.

  • Educate Children to Appreciate Things

       Excellent parents never allow their children to take their possessions for granted. They  

       make their children see the value of everything they possess, from the food on the table to  

       the education for which they are paying.

  • Spend Quality Time with Children

      Parents understand how to entertain their children. This may involve taking them to games 

      and movies and showing interest in their sports, hobbies or other activities. They take time to 

      listen to their children and to have a good, easy conversation with them. In addition, they 

      spend time helping their children with their homework, if necessary, every night.

  • Discipline Children

       Setting and enforcing boundaries for your children is extremely important. Parents should

       establish guidelines and rules that are aligned with their values and purposes. The rules 

       must be consistent, clear and attainable. The consequences should be fair and logical.

  

  • Trust Children

      Parental trust is important for children. Whenever children violate this trust, parents 

      communicate openly, discipline and explain why they are disciplining. Additionally,  

      parents should act in such a way that their children can trust what they say and what they do.

          

  • Focus on Positive

      They should encourage their children to have a positive outlook on life rather than a negative one.

      The ability to process negative events and situations is important, but good parenting 

      also involves guiding your children toward positivity and forward movement.

 

  • Provide New Experiences 

      Provide your children with a variety of new experiences within your means. Use books,    

      lessons, and other resources to encourage your kids’ interests. Expose your children to new 

      activities, places and people. Let them experiment with a variety of activities without 

      pressuring them to choose one.

  • Ability to Manage Stress

        Good parents must be able to manage their stress and temper, which will lead to well- 

        adjusted children. Children are often influenced by the way that their parents deal with 

        stress by mirroring their behaviour. If parents are unable to cope with stress, their kids will 

        likely feel anxious and isolated as well. Children would learn how to handle stress if they

        observe how their parents manage their emotions in difficult situations.

          

In conclusion, good parents provide a strong foundation for their children, allowing them to grow into happy and successful adults.

 

Grace has an accounting and finance background. She enjoys reading, writing, listening to music, watching movies and playing sports.

Legacy by Force

Ugochi Guchy Kalu (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

The question of legacy over happiness is a forbidden question in a typical African home. You are not allowed the boldness to choose happiness over succeeding your parents’ legacy and continuity. Growing up in a 100% African home, I would know that.

 

When it comes to career choice, there are only four options. A medical doctor, a lawyer, an engineer or a “disgrace to the family.” How laughable that any pursuit outside the first three options is considered demeaning, inappropriate and delusional. Many parents of the 80s and 90s had careers centered on engineering, medicine and law. It is no wonder there were thousands of law firms, family clinics and private garages that required the first son or daughter to step up and take over when their parents retired or passed on in my community. The pressure!

 

I vividly remember being dressed in a lab coat during career day in my primary school and everyone calling me “Doc.” I excitedly recited the speech my mum wrote about neurosurgery, and everyone looked at me with pride and applauded. I felt like a real life hero that day. Shockingly, in middle school, I showed up as an “actress” during career day, delivered a very powerful monologue (if I do say so myself) and, much to my amazement, there was little clapping and more mumbling. Then came the speech from my parents afterwards. “We want to  believe today was just an act. Let it just end as a display, do not think ‘acting’ will take you anywhere in life.” That mild warning that came off as a threat changed me beyond recognition. All the decisions that I would make moving forward were centered on it. 

 

Changing the narrative and doing the exact opposite of my parents’ desires became a life goal. I wanted to prove a point, I craved liberation, I fought to become my own person, to study whatever made me happy and fulfilled, or simply do what made my parents unhappy. This rebellion was a more powerful drive than the demands of obedience. Looking back, I became everything opposite that was expected of me. From dropping out of medical school to study physics, to abandoning science to get an MBA, to escaping into creative writing, I would say my parents were forced to embrace my journey, give little accolades where due and accept that even though I “disappointed” them, I did not disappoint myself. 

 

Conversely, there have been children who showed great interest in family business, tradition and belief. These interests are usually obvious from childhood, in a child wanting to follow in their father’s or mother’s footsteps. In this case, it becomes easier for such a person to transition smoothly into the expected position. There should be a time where a parent explains why it is important that their legacy be inherited by a child; in this instance, the child should be given the chance to think thoroughly whether they want to step into such big shoes. 

 

Succession planning in a typical African home, especially in Nigeria, is a hard and fast law. Facing a range of parental approaches, from unyielding rigidity to downright forcing a career down one’s throat, is a right of passage for every young African child. And oh, I will not include the legacy of marriage of convenience when it comes to tribes, clans and social status. That in itself is a different legacy being fought over in most African homes. The millennial parents have become somewhat more flexible than their predecessors, however, career stratification is so genetically enshrined that emancipation remains a continuing fight. Isn’t the most important thing the happiness, fulfillment and purposeful life of one’s child?

 

I dare say that the consequences of forcing legacy down the throats of children have often resulted in children who became distant, disowned, dysfunctional, manipulative, unhinged, unhappy, cold and recalcitrant. And of course, the cycle usually continues.

 

While we cannot fault parents who want an assumed best for their children, we can all take a clue from parents who have tried and failed. Are legacies important? Of course they are. Is family heritage and preservation important? Yes, that goes without saying. Be it the handing down of business, property, religion, belief or practice, we can still keep legacies in our families without force, threats and manipulation.

 

Good news! Some 21st century parents are on a mission of breaking the bias, thereby giving Gen Zs the freedom of choice they deserve. I am not a parent yet, but I do know better than to shove my desires for legacy down the throats of my children. I believe good parenting is handing children tools, encouragement, motivation and assistance to become what they want and not what we desire of them, and being proud of every little achievement, cheering them on, gently pushing them back to the right when they err, and praying with fervent hope that they succeed no matter what.

 

Indeed, parenting is hard and daunting from every angle and there is no general rule book on what works and doesn’t work. However, when it comes to succession, I am of the opinion that individual legacy is far more fulfilling than legacy handed down, particularly when it’s handed down by force. 

 

 

My name is Ugochi Guchy Kalu, I am a creative writer, business administrator, physicist, idealist and advocate for good governance. I like to look at life from various colour wheels, knowing that perfection exists only in our fantasies. Succeed anyway!