Tag: Appreciation

Perceiving Others: A Complex Process

Posted on by andrew

Elizaveta Garifullina (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Is our perception of people always correct?

 

My answer is that someone who feels people and, most importantly, knows how to listen to themselves understands people correctly. However, some people may have difficulty with this. We like to put labels on others, and then, we successfully become disillusioned with these people. But is it their fault? We fill them with our expectations and believe they are wrong if they do not meet them. 

 

Especially the first meeting and acquaintance are always filled with riddles. We can be confused by fears, anxiety and stereotypes, but we must listen to gut feelings; it is one of our most powerful tools. If when meeting a person, our whole body shouts “run” to us, and our emotions overwhelm us, then we clearly need to be careful with this person. Our body, like our subconscious, knows much more than we think and much more than we know. There is a lot of wisdom in this, so why don’t we use it?

 

Intuition. A thought that comes into our head and is felt in the back of our head. These thoughts feel like our voice. Anxiety can be caused by our past negative experiences or by various stereotypes. But the difference between anxiety and intuition is that intuition will never scare us. Intuitive thoughts are never obsessive; they will not spin in our heads and lead to panic. Thoughts from intuition just feel right but never cause disturbing feelings.

 

But even people who understand their own and others’ emotions and who are empaths cannot fully understand and know another person. Sometimes we spend our whole lives trying to understand ourselves. As for other people? People show only a part of their personality, a little bit of their character.

 

We know only a tiny part of the character of distant classmates, friends of our friends and just people with whom we went through only one situation that did not reveal all our sides of personality. If we only get closer to these people, we can get to know their great essence. Each person is incredible in their manifestation, and it takes a very long time to understand the whole personality.

 

Moreover, people change. We remember the versions of people they were when they were around, but each person goes through their own transformations. A few years, a year, a month, and even a day can completely and irrevocably change a person. We can think of a classmate at a school we graduated from five years ago in one way, but this person may already be completely different.

 

We can also be influenced by past experiences. If our new acquaintance looks like someone with whom we were very close but for some reason broke up, then we will perceive this person through the prism of past experience. Appearance, eye color, habits, place of birth, an atmosphere of a person and even the smallest details affect our perception. And if these details remind us of someone, then our mind immediately begins to create associations.

 

Therefore, the best solution that I advise everyone is to refrain from imposing expectations on people and not divide them into villains and heroes, bad and good, intelligent and silly, interesting and boring. A person can be a hero in the lives of hundreds and a villain for you. Does it mean that he is a villain? For you, yes, but would it be right to judge like that? We should appreciate every person in our life because everyone gives us amazing lessons and experiences. This is the most important thing because when the book of our life turns to its last page and closes, all we can take with us is the experience from this life.

 

Elizaveta Garifullina (she/her/hers)

 

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Leave your thoughts for Elizaveta in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Why Do We Strive for Recognition and Appreciation?

Posted on by andrew

Raghavi (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Everyone likes being recognized and appreciated. Why is this so important for us? Is it because we are social creatures who constantly want to fit in? Is it a throwback to our prehistoric genes, when our very survival depended on how highly we were thought of by the people around us? Our lives may not depend on it so much anymore but it definitely is tied to a sense of belonging and our mental health. We all want to be liked. To be recognized and appreciated for our actions tells us we’re doing things right, that we fit in and that our community likes us. It’s an external validation of our feelings, it tells us if we’re doing the right thing, a yardstick of sorts, to measure ourselves with. 

It starts at birth, when we are completely dependent on our parents for support and security. Our life depends on them until we can fend for ourselves. It is important for them to like us. We are conditioned to want their approval to ensure that they continue to look after us. Most of us, as we grow and even after we’re adults, continue to look for this –  from teachers, friends, colleagues, partners and everyone else in our lives. Striking a balance with this need is important and something that may take a whole lifetime to learn. When we seek it too much, our happiness depends too much on what other people think of us and we become people pleasers. Too little and we may be verging on sociopathic tendencies. Where we fall on this spectrum depends on the personality we are born with and it is further shaped by our life experiences. Dysfunctional families and trauma can affect our thought processes surrounding this and tip us over into people pleaser or attention seeker territory or make us go in the opposite direction, rebelling against conforming to societal standards.

We are also biologically programmed to want this. When we are recognized and appreciated it triggers the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine in our brains. This in turn triggers happy feelings. Dopamine is also known as the pleasure hormone and is also triggered by things like nicotine and video games and plays a big role in addiction. This is why it is not easy to change how much we care about other people’s opinions of us. It’s hard to let go of that rush of happiness when someone appreciates us. It is also why complements can be more effective than complaints when you want to influence another person’s behaviour. I know I definitely do a better job at work when I am recognized and appreciated. Studies have shown that recognition at the workplace can boost employee performance and reduce turnover rates. Many businesses now invest in learning about and implementing ways in which to recognize and appreciate their employees. Happier employees means better work which ultimately means more profit for the business. Interestingly studies have also shown that recognition tied to financial incentives doesn’t have the same effect. 

Recognition is also linked to power. People are recognized for their power and status. Wealth is an example of something that contributes to power. People like to ally themselves with powerful people. This is probably another throwback to prehistoric times when hierarchy and strategic allegiances could mean the difference between life and death. While not so critical in today’s world, it is still important. It can make for an easier life, open more doors etc. People like being powerful as it  gives them control over others and also control over their own lives. 

While the words recognition and appreciation are used interchangeably there is a difference. Recognition is when you acknowledge someone’s performance, a more formal process than appreciation, which is when you admire their inherent value as a person. Appreciation is not about a person’s accomplishments, it is about who they are. There may not always be the time, resources or opportunity  to recognize everyone around us but we can certainly appreciate them. A few words are enough to convey your appreciation; you can tell them what you like or admire about them. You can also show appreciation through your actions: listening, giving your undivided attention, asking how someone is doing and being available are some examples. When someone appreciates us we feel seen and heard, our existence is acknowledged. When someone recognizes us we feel that our efforts are noticed. Take the time to recognize and appreciate those around you and don’t forget to do the same for yourself. You deserve to be recognized and appreciated too and taking the time to do it for yourself can be highly rewarding.  

 

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Leave your thoughts for Raghavi in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

 

The Last Time

Posted on by andrew

Linda Ng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

In our busy lives, we easily neglect gratitude. We rush around each day, working hard at our jobs or taking care of our families. We never take the time to appreciate what is around us. Even as I write these words, each minute is ticking by without fail. The time that passes is forever unrecoverable. Time is fluid and does not wait for anyone. Whether you are reading a book or having a great conversation with a friend, the time will keep on passing. Perhaps I was slow to learn just how significant this was, or maybe I was just not worldly enough. As I grow older, time seems to be going at an even faster pace.

 

On my self-improvement journey, I came to a painful realization. Whatever you are doing, it could very well be the last time you are doing it. It doesn’t matter whether the event is happy, difficult or sad. That dinner you had with an old friend? It could have been the last time, because they might soon decide to immigrate to another country to start a new life. What about that time you went to your favourite clothing store? Maybe it was the last time that you’ll ever shop there, because they might be about to close down. All of these events just become parts of our memories.

 

But with this realization, I am still doing the inevitable. I am straying from the present moment. Instead of savouring the moment, my mind is anxious about the past or future. I am thinking about what to cook for dinner or what I have to do for work. I am physically present, but my mind is not. In other words, I am taking everything that is happening for granted. I might be looking at my phone or distracted by something else.

 

Perhaps I expect that I will meet that friend again. Or that I can visit my favourite store at any time. In my mind, I feel that there is no doubt that these events will occur again. I don’t need to focus on what’s happening, or put too much thought into it. Sadly, when I realize that it’s not going to happen again, it is already too late. This creates overwhelming feelings of emptiness and regret.

 

To overcome this, we need to acknowledge and embrace gratitude. We hear people talking about gratitude all the time in the media now. We need to appreciate what we have and treasure the good things in our lives. We don’t do enough of this, at least not intentionally and mindfully.

 

Gratitude makes us appreciate our lives in a whole new way. If I knew I would be seeing my friend for the last time, I would have made sure that we spent quality time together. Instead of just going through mindless motions or letting my mind stray, I would give them my full attention and enjoy a riveting conversation with them. I would be grateful that I had the opportunity to spend this time with them. And it’s the little things that count in life.

 

Maybe it won’t be the very last time that I see them. But by being more intentional about my feelings and actions, I am gaining so much more value from the interaction. The more I treasure them in life, the more grateful I feel. It is a chain reaction. There are so many ways to feel more fulfilled and to be happier. We can start practicing gratitude in our never-ending quest for happiness.

 

As we incorporate feelings of gratitude into our daily lives, we allow ourselves to focus on the positive instead of the negative. We feel a rush of gratefulness over the things that we can enjoy. We have people around us who care for us. This power is more than we can imagine. It’s scary that we will never know the last time anything might occur. Remove the possibility of regret — practice gratitude whenever you can!

 

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My name is Linda and I’m from Canada! When I’m not writing, I enjoy travelling, playing badminton and spending time with my pets. I have a strong passion for self-improvement and mental health topics. I’m hoping to share that with you here at Low Entropy!