Tag: community

Mentorship and the Benefits of Seeking Help

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Heidi Collie (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Believed to have originated from a character in the epic Greek poem The Odyssey, the term “mentor” is generally understood as an “advisor.” A quick Google search also surfaces the phrases models positive behavior, and builds trust as well as the terms: teacher; confidante; counsel; sponsor. The anthropologist in me would cry if I did not express that this is also how we might, perhaps, define the term community. At the crux of it, humans need one another and this has always been and –fighting the rise of Western neoliberalism– will always be the case.

Take a walk with me. The names “Nariokotome boy” and “Java Boy” may resonate with you very little or perhaps not at all. These are famous remains of ancient humans, more specifically Homo Ergaster (in Kenya) and Homo Erectus (in Georgia) respectively – dating back to approximately 1.6 million years ago. The significance of these individuals is that due to evidence of healed wounds, they represent the earliest indication of humans caring for their sick. Throughout this evolutionary stage, humans developed culture as an adaptive strategy; groups began to care for their sick and bury their dead, ensuring as many people live to reproduce as possible. Gradually, community meant more than just commensality. 1.6 million years ago, community meant survival. And it still does. 

Evolution continued, as evolution does, through homo heidelbergensis, homo neanderthalensis, and finally, homo sapiens. We learned from the successes and failures of others, each group adapting their culture and societal systems to fit the surrounding environment and circumstances. Today we see community displayed in a diverse range of social group configurations and systems of kinship around the world. 

This sense of community is not just laid out spatially, geographically, but also temporally. Sir Isaac Newton famously wrote, “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” He intended to acknowledge the talented scholars who came before him but, perhaps inadvertently, struck a chord with something deeper. Newton had depended on another human just as Java Boy had, 1.6 million years earlier. The human race boasts such fantastic diversity, but one fundamental element we all have in common is each other. We are built to depend on, learn from, grow with, teach, counsel, sponsor other people, just as we would have them to us. If a mentor is someone we are to learn from, based on their own behavior, don’t question who is a mentor to you. Look around you and ask who –in one way or another– isn’t a mentor to you.

They (the Instagram wellness community) say you become like the five people you spend the most time around. Well, –and no offense to my roommates, boss or local barista– in my case this is not ideal. In my opinion this is also fundamentally not true. Breathe a sigh of relief and feel free to stop hanging around at the gym, you don’t need to refine the spaces you are in, or scour Facebook marketplace for new friends. You are not defined by your physical five, but rather the decisions you make about what you consume and produce, influenced by your mentorship community. Looking beyond my postcode area, where I work as a barista there are several hundred customers, 70 thousand students at my school and 30 million users on Tiktok – so don’t tell me I am going to become my roommates because I walk in on them in the washroom and occasionally steal their bread. In the most human way possible, we all have 7.7 billion mentors, each for us to learn from their successes or failures. Humanity’s greatest gift is itself, and just as 1.6 million years ago we began to carry our sick, trust that your community will carry you. You only have to ask.

 

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Leave your thoughts for Heidi in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

 

I Made a Mistake

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Admitting your mistakes can be a very difficult thing. It’s even harder to turn those moments into character-building opportunities. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Tricia Keith shows us how both can be done.

In a world that seems ready to tell me that I have made an error, that I am wrong, that I am mistaken and, therefore, unlovable . . . wait a minute, what world is this? . . . It’s the one that I have been living in, after making a big mistake.

The size of this mistake is relative to the trust between me and another. I would call it a big mistake if it’s going to tarnish that trust, and it likely will. Now what do I do?

Avoid my mistake, and in fact, that person? A fairly easy job to do, from the outside, given that my connections to this person are not in-person. But my conscience is; my conscience is my inner person.

My fearful thinking tells me that if I cough up my truth, it will badly damage my relationship to this person and maybe more. My first response is to retract into myself and hide.

I expect fear to rescue me, and fear expects to be the hero in this mind game. Dig a hole. Hide out until the situation passes over and disappears, deep into an archive of emails. Yah, right, OK. Got it. But after two sleepless days with a tight chest and anxious, recursive thoughts, I realize that fear is not going to free me.

Thankfully, I have two trusted allies, and more thankfully, they received my story with non-judgmental listening; they agreed that it was a mistake, that I was in the wrong, but also that I was not unworthy of their love. That’s really the bottom line. I was not unworthy of their love.

The question then became, could I BE that for myself?

Suddenly, two lines of self-narrative began to emerge: my faulty judgment that initiated the mistake, and my growing capacity to love myself enough to be present and admit my mistake, no matter the consequences.

Without meaning to or preaching at me, my two allies (my husband and my sister) showed me that I could grow from my mistake by being honest. Where fear wanted to keep me in the dark, self-love gave me the courage to be present, in full lighting.

This situation of discovering my mistake, and that it was public, felt like a bomb going off inside me, though it is really inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. Away from the office bubble that I work within, I am encouraged by the heroes and sheroes who stand up for their truths everyday in the face of discrimination, oppression and violence. As a white, cis-gender woman, I know that I am privileged because I can assume a centered position within the scheme of structural racism and oppression.

In order to begin unlocking the interlocking chains of colonial history, I endeavor to develop my capacity to admit my mistakes. Microaggressions that I am conditioned to overlook, I need not to see with fearful eyes, but with self-love, in order to process the chain of events and not pass them on to my children.

The Low Entropy community is a group of non-judgmental, empathetic individuals who are committed to ensuring that people feel loved, no matter what kind of mistakes they’ve made. Interact with us in the comments below, on our social media channels or in-person at a Conscious Connections meeting!

In Interesting Times

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How long will you slide? When something awful happens and it seems like you can’t stop feeling like you did that day, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Mike Vaness has some words of advice to get you to the other side.

 

Have you heard that it’s an ancient curse to say, “May you live in interesting times”? While our lives are full of routines and ruts, doing the same thing day in and day out, some people find security and comfort in a predictable life, while others cannot stand it. However, no one ever expects to have everything you know change all in one day – in one instant. No one is prepared for the shocking moment when you find out you were adopted; the moment when police officers are at your door looking for you; the moment when your doctor declares that you have a serious illness; the moment when you catch a glimpse of a car as it slams into the side of your vehicle. You are overwhelmed: “What’s going on! This can’t be happening! Why me! This always happens to someone else!” These are the things you hear about in gossip about others, about someone else. The thing we forget is that to everyone else in the world, you are the “someone else.”

 

Yet in these moments, and despite our greatest wishes, life somehow continues on; your story isn’t over. The light from that ever-stubborn sun creeps through the curtains in your room, and you wake up. Another day has come, despite your most stringent protests to the contrary. Time is indomitable: it does not stand still, and that is probably for the best. The following days, weeks, or even months are tough to endure. You have to deal with things that you wished you never would, but I can assure you: it is best to confront these head on as becoming avoidant will only delay the inevitable. Now, yes I can hear you saying, “Oh sure, it’s easy to just say that, but how do I make it work?” But you can always be assured of two things. One: tomorrow will always come, no matter what you are dealing with, and with it comes the chance of new beginnings. Two: no matter how bad things are, no matter how hard things seem, everything comes to an end. This second one may seem a little dark, but remember, this ending also applies to all the sadness, anger and frustration you are feeling. 

 

I’ve personally experienced this. Initially it felt like there was nothing that could help, that my entire life was over and that there was no coming out the other side. This is how things can feel: that your entire life is swallowed up by this large and imposing reality – but there are some things that I felt helped me, slowly but steadily, emerge from these overwhelming feelings. The first was to take stock of what I did still have. I still had my partner, my friends and my family to support me. I still had my home, a place where I could feel safe and comfortable. These were things that were present in my life previously, and they had not changed. I reminded myself that I still had agency and control over some aspects of my life. I started to remind myself of what I still could do for myself, and did not take anything for granted. I could still cook for myself, I could still decide what my space looked like, I could go out for a walk when I wanted to. While these on their own do not seem like much, they allowed me to feel like I had some control over my life, and every small step can have a big impact. 

 

Furthermore, please do not feel that you have to go through this process alone! There will always be someone you can reach out to for help. Even if you lose some people who are close to you, there are always options, like Low Entropy. There will always be people who will be willing to meet you with open arms and helping hands. Despite how hard it can be to seek company when you are feeling lost and depressed, being around people who you trust and love will help push you forward. 

 

I know that this article is just scraping the surface of what it is like to go through an emotionally and physically difficult time in your life, but if you’ve read this far, I can assure you that there are brighter days ahead. While your life may have changed in ways that you could never have expected, it’s just that: a change. It’s not an end. The best thing about change is that it allows you to have experiences and live a life you never thought possible. I know that, while my life took a turn I didn’t expect, it has allowed me to assess the positive things I have, and make other changes for the better, so there has been some good that has come from the experience – and I am grateful for that. 

 

We’re grateful for Mike Vaness. And rainbows! And ducklings! There’s just so much – help us out! What are you grateful for? Build on our list in the comments, on our other social media channels or at a Low Entropy meet-up!

The Meaning of Community

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Grace Cheng tells us all about community – what it means and why it’s the bee’s knees.

 

To me, a community is a group of people who have learned how to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Their relationships grow closer when they share their emotions in moments of celebrating, mourning and rejoicing. Community is made up of both feelings and a set of relationships. Members of a community have a great sense of trust, belonging, safety and caring for one another. The treasured feeling of a community comes from shared experiences and histories.  

 

As we know, life is full of ups and downs, and I thank my community because they have always been there for me in times of sorrows and in times of happiness. My community has taught me to appreciate life more. In times of happiness, we have celebrated together and patted each other’s backs, and in times of sorrow, we have consoled and healed each other.  

 

My community has helped me to build a strong personality. It has given me the heart to love, care and be kind. I have learned the value of community, and they are the ones who carry me when I have fallen, comfort me when I am lost, laugh with me, care for me and walk with me. I learn from my community each day and my gratitude for them only increases as I discover more about myself. My community means the world to me.

 

Community addresses our most fundamental needs in that we want to be loved, we don’t want to be alone and we want to know that we belong somewhere. Real communities give us this sense of home, this sense of family, this sense that these are my peers, this is my tribe and this is where I belong. In this group, we are accepted for who we are. A community gives people a sense of shared identity, that we are together. The sum is larger than the individual parts. This shared identity matters because it takes the group beyond individuals in one-on-one relationships. Many of us express our interests, ambitions and goals through people we spend time with, and community becomes part of our identities.

 

A community is more than a group of people living in the same geographic zone. Communities can be anything from a physical place where people connect, to a virtual space such as social media, to private community groups. Communities put like-minded people together who share similar characteristics and interests. Every community has specific rules and regulations to meet its needs.

 

A community offers a sense of spirit, character and pride that increases the health of its members. 

Being part of a community can make us proud that we are a part of something greater than ourselves.

 

There are many benefits to being part of a community:

 

  • Support: Being part of a community allows us to give support to one other. Supporting each other can help us feel good about ourselves. We live such busy and stressful lives, there is often insufficient time to assist others when they are struggling with their mental and physical wellbeing.
  • Influence: Community brings empowerment. When we feel empowered, we have a sense of control, allowing us to have a positive influence and make a difference to our community members.
  • Sharing: When we share our ideas with others it can stimulate our growth in knowledge and insight, as well as innovation. 
  • Reinforcement: Having a community can reinforce our spirits through us motivating one another to build a positive experience and a sense of togetherness.
  • Connection: A community can help build valuable relationships, connections and a sense of belonging.
  • Resources: Community is a great resource for knowledge.
  • Passion: Community allows us to share ideas that we are passionate about.  

 

Communities play a critical role in every part of our lives. We have communities in our friends, our families, our jobs, our neighbourhoods and other places. We can find community in sports teams, artists, food, music and entertainment. Having a sense of community unites us and gives us a sense of togetherness. It can give us opportunities to connect with people to reach our goals, and make us feel safe and secure.

You know where you can find an awesome community? Riiiight here! If you’ve read enough of these, you probably saw that coming. Still, click on it and join! You heard what Grace said! It’ll be great!

Coming Out

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Justin Singh presents a primer on coming out, with resources to help us understand this important milestone in the lives of many LGBTQ2+ individuals.

 

‘Coming out’ marks a shift in the lives of many people in the LGBTQ2+ community. It’s the moment in time when a member in the community shares their true gender identity or sexuality with a world where cis heterosexuality is commonly viewed as the norm. Coming out is by no means an easy task. With it can come potential hardships that can range from minor to extremely severe. 

 

Why do people come out? Here are a few reasons:

 

  • They feel the life they are living is a lie, and they want to stop keeping secrets from the ones they love
  • They want to express themselves freely
  • They are ready to go public with their dating life and/or include their partners in their everyday lives
  • They want people to stop discriminating against them, and be more vocal about the injustices towards the LGBTQ2+ community
  • They want to inspire future generations of the community, and one day make being a part of the LGBTQ2+ community more widely accepted

 

There could also be many reasons why people decide to delay or avoid coming out altogether:

 

  • Fear of rejection from their loved ones
  • They are young and dependent on their family, and they are unsure of whether they will have the same sense of stability after coming out
  • They live in a country were the lives of the LGBTQ2+ community are threatened due to the laws of the country
  • They are not sure of their true identity just yet
  • They are simply not ready to come out

 

If you are thinking of coming out and unsure how to go about it, there are many resources you can find online that can help you on your journey to self-discovery. Here are just a few of many:

 

The Human Rights Campaign: https://www.hrc.org/resources/coming-out

This page has pamphlets available for download to assist on coming out within your personal and professional life.

 

GLSEN: https://www.glsen.org/activity/coming-out-resource-lgbtq-students

A resource dedicated to teenagers and students who are just exploring their sexuality and feel like they’re ready to take the steps to come out.

 

The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Coming-Out-Handbook.pdf

An organization that began as a hotline for crisis intervention and suicide prevention for those in the LGBTQ2+ community. They provide resources that can help any young LGBTQ2+ individual through the most confusing and difficult aspects of their life.

 

It doesn’t end there though. When you’re thinking of coming out, you could also reach out to people you already know in the LGBTQ2+ community for advice, or reach out to someone online. The internet allows for anonymity, which keeps you safe from being accidentally outed. There is also the possibility of starting your coming out journey with a trusted family member, friend or loved one, whether they are a part of the community or not.

 

Being an LGBTQ2+ ally is also an important role. You can be a support figure in the lives of those who are going through many twists and turns behind the scenes of coming out that you may not be aware of. When supporting someone who is attempting to come out, never out them yourself, to absolutely anyone. It’s important that the person coming out does so on their own terms. If you are an ally, ensure that you are there for support, guidance when specifically asked for, and most importantly, use your platform to amplify their voice!

 

In addition to those in our lives, it’s possible to find inspiration in books, television, and movies. LGBTQ2+ characters have been marginalized in mainstream media for many decades. Nowadays, stories of LGBTQ2+ experiences are finally getting the limelight they deserve. Here’s a short list of stories from different mediums that you can check out that explore coming out:

 

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson: A story about two transgender teens who meet and navigate their coming out together, in difficult social circumstances.

 

Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli: The story of Simon Spier, whose emails with another closeted gay classmate are used to blackmail him, forcing him to come out. This novel was made into a film adaptation called Love, Simon (2019).

 

Boy Erased (2018): A film about a boy who is outed as gay to his parents and forced to survive gay conversion therapy.

 

The Prom (2016): A musical about a group of washed-up Broadway stars who travel to Indiana to help a lesbian student who is banned from bringing her closeted girlfriend to the prom. The Prom was turned into a Netflix film, released in late 2020.

 

Despite the many resources available, coming out is ultimately a personal decision. Take time to research and think about when it’s time and what the right decision is for you.

 

If you’re comfortable sharing your story about coming out with a supportive, positive community, we’d love to hear it! Check out one of our Low Entropy meetings, or speak your truth in a comment below.

Finding Your Community

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Looking to expand your social circle? Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Joelle Chia has five tips for finding your entourage.

 

“What is important is family, friends, giving back to your community and finding meaning in life.” These words said by Adrian Grenier may seem simple, but they shed light on the importance of kinship. In this context, community is a group of like-minded individuals who share similar ideas, beliefs and experiences, and who seek to feel less alone in their individual quest. Everybody’s existing communities differ, and each person is at a different stage in their life. It can be difficult to find an understanding and accepting group of people. Some may even feel that they don’t belong or fit in with their current groups, and if that’s you – not to worry! Your community could help you navigate life through thick and thin. Here are five tips to find the right community and nurture these healthy relationships:

 

  1. Assess your personal needs and wants

 

The first step is to consider where you are in your life. Perhaps you are a freshman at a new college, or maybe you just moved into an unfamiliar neighborhood. Regardless of how far along you are in life, ask yourself: “What exactly am I looking for, and what challenges do I currently face?” You may come to a conclusion that, after moving to a new college away from home, loneliness arises from being thrust into a new environment where you do not have the support system you once had. This question and answer process will operate your drive to search for community. When you state your needs, those needs are more likely to be met.

 

     2. Don’t be afraid to be you

 

The phrase “just be yourself” may sound cliché and overused, but it holds true when you are looking to find a like-minded community. People tend to be drawn to those who share similar personalities, experiences and beliefs as them. This means not being hesitant to share your interests and passions, and being confident in your own skin. When people show more of themselves and have an authentic outward profile, others will naturally gravitate towards them. Put this into practice the next time you are in any public setting or group event. Chances are that you will discover you have more in common with others than you thought, and remember: the first step to finding people like yourself is to show up as yourself.

 

     3. Get familiar with your local environment

 

Many communities are created by proximity and a common location. This can be explained by a phenomenon called the mere-exposure effect. It holds that people tend to develop preferences for familiar things. Applied to communities, the mere-exposure effect suggests that the more exposed to the same group of people you are, the more familiar you will become to each other, and the more likely friendship will arise. For example, if you recently moved to a brand-new city and are looking to meet new people, a great option would be to join regular local events you are interested in. When you become familiar with people you see regularly, bonds can form. The internet is a great place to start the search for a nearby location to find others like you. 

 

     4. Do not be afraid to ask others

 

Many people were introduced to loved ones and their present community through connections. Even if you are an introvert (like I am), it is always possible to build amazing relationships with people you think are similar to you. Test the waters to try different opportunities, including online and local groups. You can even ask for recommendations from acquaintances, and be open to meet individuals through existing relationships. The further you expand your network, the more likely you will be able to find the right people to be a part of your community. Checking around and being curious to meet new people are some of the best ways to find a fit.

 

     5. Actively listen

 

Though it is important to seek out opportunities for yourself, sometimes it is easy to be caught up in your own needs. To build effective connections, you should have a genuine interest in others and their ways of life. Community is a constant cycle of giving and receiving. If energy is not put in to know others on an interpersonal level, it will be difficult for a sense of community to take shape. Oftentimes, what many need is someone to listen to and understand them. When you are able to listen well and show others your appreciation and thoughts, a deeper connection is born, which will revitalize your relationships. 

 

If you’re looking for community, you’re in luck! Low Entropy has a great one, both online and in person. Whether it’s right here in our comments section, on our Instagram or TikTok accounts, or at a Conscious Connections meet-up, we’ve got supportive, empathetic people who will welcome you with gratitude and positivity.

Modern Isolation

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Right now, we have never been more united, and at the same time never more alone. This global pandemic is impacting everyone’s lives in ways that – for many of us – is completely unprecedented. We have to deal with a reality where we are all being encouraged to stay home, avoid others, and choose who will be allowed within our personal “bubbles” – which of our friends and family will make the cut? Who can we not live without? Who can we not risk visiting, in case we ourselves are a danger to them? Who cares enough to stay in touch?

         As this pandemic continues to impact our daily lives, we need to find strategies to cope. There is a great deal of pressure to find a solution, and find it now. This is a novel experience of isolation and loneliness: even if we are sheltering in place while surrounded by family, we have a sense of being caged and restricted from our normal lives. We have lost the sense of freedom, relaxation, and emotional support gained from our favorite places, people, and activities. With this loss, I have seen a new sense of depression and malaise in many friends and colleagues. With this sense of sadness, it makes reaching out to friends and family that much more difficult. Negative thoughts prevent us from just starting what should be an easy conversation: “Do they even want to hear from me?”  “I could call or message them, but I have nothing to talk about.”

         It is very difficult to break out of a depressive spiral on your own, and even if you have a supportive family or partner at home, sometimes it takes a bit more. It’s okay, it’s understandable, and there are solutions available. When we feel so isolated, having a fresh group of people can bring an objective and uplifting look to help brighten up your life. It is amazing how this situation can feel so numbing and overwhelming, but as soon as you start talking about it out loud, a whole new perspective can be achieved. This is one of the best benefits of meeting with a support group like Conscious Connections – you can speak openly and candidly about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and connect with other people who are working through the same challenges.

         Conscious Connections strives to be an open and supportive space, helping those in our community who feel alone and in need of conversation and acceptance. If it’s a challenge to just get through each day, it’s so important to know that there are options out there for people who need some positivity, or who would really benefit from a new connection with peers. Your peer-sharing circle will help ease the hard times, and celebrate victories and successes with authenticity. It is always uplifting to know that we are not alone in a world that has made it all too easy to be in isolation.

 

Author: Mike Vanessa